I will not stay calm~!

Learning to calm myself despite feeling the storm building all around me feels like trying to stuff a whale into a bottle.
I fight the urge to fight, to rage against the world of injustice and irritation like gods and generals. Like men do.
Because there is no place for a woman of anger in this world.

The rage builds so large inside me that I begin to think I cannot breathe, so I stop breathing. Then when the head grows dizzy, reality sinks in and the pain I am in over what is so wrong in the world becomes even more real.
I cannot hide from it.  The pain is still there, so my rage is still there.
So I will not stay calm!

Acid churns up, swaying the bow like a boat lost at sea, I curl inward in pain.
Anger is addictive.
But I must learn to calm this storm.

Sometimes I think it'd be ok to be swallowed alive, maybe live at the bottom of a beast in the sea where there is just enough space to light a candle in the dark.
I'll simply sit still, listening to the sounds of nothing but acid and water moving around me like a creep in the night.
I'll wait there patiently until I can crawl back to hell in one piece.

I will take this anger and use it for fuel to help me climb out on ribs and flesh, pulling my way up through the belly of the beast into the soft space that lies between the teeth, where I will slide out the next time the beast's rage burns open a hole in the sky.

Don't stuff the beast back into the bottle.  Set it free, use it for fuel.

Danya Mosgofian©7/15 & 12/15