The Darkness Knows Your Name

Once you have been to the darkest part of yourself, the darkest part of the night, the darkness knows your name.  It's as if it remembers your smell, your shape & seeks out your company forever more.  It thinks you belong in the dark, for it is a hungry space that is constantly filled over & over with the emptiness we feel. It feeds on our pain.

It is a shadow that beckons us in the coldest of moments. Even in between the moments of joy, it can howl your name. Make you wonder if you are hearing things amidst the laughter & pleasure you savor. 

You suddenly feel it creep in without notice & find yourself looking around the room, the world to see what just changed even though nothing actually has. It's just you being summoned by your grief, by your sadness. By the darkness. 

When the energy of the day has waned & you crumble between the spaces of your life, between the fatigue in your back & the over extension of will to finish one more thing, accomplish one more thing, connect with one more person so you don't have to feel the solitude of your humanity, done with the day, the darkness creeps in uninvited. It knows you are there. 

In between the parts that feed you & the parts that bleed you, this is when the darkness sets in. It senses vulnerability & weakness, it senses you are alone & beaten by the day and creeps in, perhaps thinking it is a friend & will comfort you. Yet it does not.

It feels that fatigue & slithers in backwards so you don't see it coming. It beckons you once again. 

But it is an empty space that demands more & more no matter how much of your soul you give it. So it cannot continue if you are to. At some point, one must rise up & fight the darkness, even if it feels like it's teeth have already sunken in. Resist it. Keep walking away.

And this is what you know you must do if you are going to continue to survive this all encompassing darkness, this hollow space that sucks the very life out of your soul and dampens the will to soldier on...resist it. With every piece of rope & sinew in your body, turn your back on the shadow & tell it, 

'Not this time, thank you. I'm busy livin'.  

There may be a time when you can sit with the darkness, listen to what it's trying to tell you, it's secrets, it's pain. See if it holds a message that will grow your wings and use it for some deeper mystery to be solved. But tonight is not that night. 

Tonight you want to continue with the joy of the day, the potential for more & the hope that you can stave off the grief & worry, one more day. Tell the shadow to go find some other secret place to burrow itself into, instead of haunting you. 

5/3/©DM